I couldn’t stand the look in your eyes when I said I didn’t want to talk tonight. It was just getting too intense and I got pissed when you skipped your class just for me, sa lahat ng pinaka-ayoko yung nagsisinungaling sakin. You knew I wouldn’t allow you to skip class but you had your alibis. Nakakainis pag nalalate na pwede namang agahan. Wag kang magbibitaw ng salita if hindi kayang pangatawanan. It’s funny how other people think “awww cute” and shit about us, but in reality may hindi tama. Sorry if I had to do this, hindi rin naman madali para sakin toh. Natanong mo if hinohold back mo ba ko.. napaisip ako. Ayokong isipin yun, kasi alam ko namang hindi and choice ko naman pag nagsasama tayo. Kasi kung hindi edi sana di na ko pumapayag na puntahan mo ko. Sabi mo namimiss mo lang naman ako and you wanted to be with me.. Naiintindihan ko naman ganyan din naman ako. Pero remember may mga priorities tayo? As I said may ibang bagay din outside this relationship and kailangan din nating bigyan ng oras yun. I feel so distant from my family and no don’t blame yourself kaya nga ako mismo gumagawa ng paraan eh. I need to have time for my family, friends and myself also. Sa mundong toh hindi lang naman tayong dalawa eh. Ayokong masaktan ka, and don’t worry hindi naman toh katulad ng dati. Kailangan ko lang din tapusin mga school works ko, it’s just one night… 

I’m so lucky, happy and blessed because I have you but of course I have to take care of myself too. We still have our own lives and we have to do our own thing.. no I’m not asking for space or some shit. Just one night.. 

“There is fear and then there is courage. When you feel fear, have the courage to acknowledge it and it will begin to lose its power. It is only when you pretend it isn’t there, that it grows.”

It’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog, my bad. Anyways, I hope papa gets the job here so he can stay with us. It might sound bad but if God has other plans for us, then let his will be done. I don’t want to keep my expectations high like my mom and my brothers.. because if it doesn’t go through then it’s just going to hurt quite a bit. It’s nice having him here, I missed him. I love him to death, I missed how you protect us. I’m hoping for the best.. always.

“When you feel listless and lethargic, do something different. Instead of staying in your routine, go to a park or a movie or to lunch with a friend. Change your routine a bit. Sometimes a little change of scenery does wonders.”

Well… things have been doing great lately between me and Josh. It has been so intense but sweet at the same time. You know, before I’ve always said that I still believe in forever because I can see that with my mom and dad but after I got my heart broken, that fantasy.. fairy tale love got broken into pieces too. You wanna know what’s the truth? I was just saying that, pretending that I don’t care and I wouldn’t.. pretending that I’m a strong matured woman who doesn’t believe in fairy tales. I honestly still do.. and I never stopped. I just hope we’ll stay like this and never end but of course we don’t know. I’m just cherishing and enjoying every moment with you, thank you. You’ve been great and wonderful.. thank you. Sorry if I don’t say I love you back when you tell me you love me, I swear I feel like I’m in heaven.. but I want to make sure my feelings are consistent. I want to make sure everything.. I appreciate it. I may not tell you and say exactly what I’m feeling but I’m trying to show it. I hope you’re happy.. no cheesy stuffs but you make me happy and I’m grateful… I’m blessed with my family, school, friends, mai & jus.. ofcourse joshua and everyone! Thank you, God.

“Each day is sacred. If you are spending too many days doing things that bring you unhappiness, then you are not honoring the gift of your time on earth.”